When you have a child with special needs, you join an elite club.
Ready or not, you learn things you probably never thought much about. You learn what an IFSP is, and that your child gets an IEP for their education plan when they turn 3. You learn about special needs trust funds, and more about health insurance than you ever wanted to know.
You know what an ST / OT / PT are - and probably know several people of these professions on a first name basis.
In the Down syndrome community, you know what a palmar crease, sandal gap, and Brushfield spots are. You learn about ear tubes and tonsils, low muscle tone, and neck x-rays.
You read a lot of feel good stories - and hear them from people you know. But you also know that the world can be a harsh & cruel place. You cringe every time you hear the "R" word on TV, in movies, or from your friends & family.
You hear that children with Down syndrome are more alike their siblings than different from them, (and that's actually pretty true).
You also hear things about special needs parents - comments like, "You must be a saint" and "I could
never do that!" What couldn't you do? Care for & love your child? I bet you could.
Parents of children with special needs are really not that different from other parents, no matter how many times you hear that "only special people get special children" and platitudes like that - but really? We're just parents. We're not special, we're only doing what parents do - providing for our children's needs.
So, when I tell someone that, "Our daughter Ruby has Down syndrome," and their first response is pity, "Oh, I'm so sorry..." I tell them, "Don't be sorry. She's awesome!" And I hope they see that I mean it. (Now that we chose Lil, deliberately adding another child with Down syndrome to our family, I think people have an easier time believing that these girls are not a hardship to us.)
Because while we might wish away some of the hurdles & challenges & discrimination our girls will face in their life, we love them. Not because we're extra-good people or they're special angels - but because they're our daughters, and we want them to have the most fulfilling, happiest lives they can, same as we want for all our children.
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And, I figure it's always best to end with cute pics ...